ron white if you quit listening i'll shut up transcript

And then I was watching Godfather, I thought, Well, if instead of that horse head, they just had Chris Hemsworth with no shirt on. Ron Tater Salad White dishes out his signature brand of cynicism, riffing on sex, celebrity and the sinister habits of wild geese. I dont sleep very well. In the wake of her prom scandal, Princess Margrethe longs for normalcy as she struggles to maintain her perfect facade while dealing with family drama. One [giggling] ..fucking eyehole. And he said that the Golden Corrals the best place to find these people cause he says thats where the really big girls like to winter. Downloads only available on ad-free plans. Downloads only available on ad-free plans. Do Not Sell or Share My Personal Information. Heres another fair test: darts. Cheers, this is just special, right here. Theyre going to fucking know. The way they cross the street right in front of fucking cars with that weird-ass confidence. And I was about 12 years old and I had gone three months without wetting the bed. Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up 2018 | Maturity rating: 15 | 1h 3m | Stand-up Comedy Ron "Tater Salad" White dishes out his signature brand of cynicism, riffing on sex, celebrity and the sinister habits of wild geese. And I still eat tacos, but now I only eat the baby duck pussy lip tacos that you get at the Four Seasons in Beverly Hills on Sunday. Im on the back porch of the church, eating my little sandwich, six years old, drinking my Kool-Aid. lindsey? Britain's most talented young bakers wow judges with cakes, biscuits, breads and more in this kid-focused spinoff of "The Great British Baking Show.". Thats why. I can put my car in drive and roll over your ass. [whistling] Im on break. So when Bill gets finished, he comes down and does a set with us and when we get done with our shows, Bill and Jeff wanna go drinking and gambling, and I want to go to a prayer meeting and a poetry reading that Id heard about. Bienvenidos a un nuevo episodio de Estrenos en Netflix!Hoy vamos a hablar de un especial de comedia de Ron White que se llama "If you quit listening, i'll sh. Ron White..Spa Day..If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut up..Reaction! Whats he doing? You were right! I wish you would have told us that up front. I was the feature act at the Punchline Comedy Club in Sacramento, California. I got to go this year for the first time in my career to do stand-up in Europe, and I did shows in Amsterdam, Edinburgh, Scotland, and London. Baby goose pussy [tripping over his tongue] makes wagyu beef taste like boot leath boot All right, Im gonna rewrite this sentence. Geese arent natural. Nobody wants to talk about it but me. Oh, you can see it in their eyehole. Ron "Tater Salad" White dishes out his signature brand of cynicism, riffing on sex, celebrity and the sinister habits of wild geese. Im not busting on women from the Middle East. She goes, Look, its just on the wrong channel. Click. Not because they try to say something funny. 5,093, This story has been shared 4,772 times. I have a back-up plan to curtail the goose population in America. After dedicating years of service at a matchmaking company, Arini tries to piece together her mysterious past and memories of a former client. Young Queen Charlotte's marriage to King George of England sparks an epic love story and transforms high society in this "Bridgerton" universe prequel. Joe Rogan with Ron White on Dane Cook, Carlos Mencia & Stealing Jokes From Comedians! Baby goose pussy lips makes wagyu beef taste like boot leather. 3,426, This story has been shared 3,036 times. I have no idea what color my asshole is. While TVs sitcom rednecks encountered cute culture clashes with their posh new neighbors, White regales us with how he has come to respect and almost admire the gay men in the West Hollywood bars near his home. In the summer, I keep a bowl of limes right next to the salt shaker, and Ill just get a lime, squirt a little lime juice in there, little bit of salt, hunker down, do some pussy shots. 1,410, This story has been shared 1,216 times. My uncle was a Baptist preacher, and I was at his little white clapboard Baptist church in a little bitty town in Texas and I was sitting Vacation bible school. You're almost there! Its for sale. Besides, if youre at that point in a make-out session, youre gonna do it anyway. Okay. Why? He was like, No, what Im saying is, if you could talk to someone, whether they Yeah, I fucking get it. Fuck that. Jeff? I dont remember. I dont need this shit. What's he doing? I think, at 61 years old, my best fucking days are behind me, cause it wasnt that long ago that I could make my wife scream and now she makes any noise at all, its to go, Do you need to take a little break or? I picked up the DVD, looked at the cover, it looked like somebodys trying to shove a pumpkin through a beach ball. In a dystopian future devastated by air pollution, the survival of humanity depends on the Black Knights and theyre far from your average deliverymen. '", Ana Navarro Jokes About Sara Haines' White House Correspondents' Dinner Antics on 'The View': "Maybe There Will Be a Restraining Order", Sunny Hostin Opens Up About Receiving Hurtful Emails on The View: Im Not Liked By Half The Country, Sunny Hostin Shades Meghan McCain for Scathing Column About 'The View': "Our Show Is a Wonderful Place". Build a net. Just laying there dead, cause it died somewhere? Its got 750 yards on it. Were just gonna have lunch. Yeah! If You Quit Listening I'll Shut Up opens with soundbites from White's previous specials, then we see him onstage, in a crisp suit, revealing to his fans how fame and . Baby goose pussy lips makes wagyu beef taste like boo boot leather. I dont give a shit. My fucking life is over. This is drunk. And as you approach these toilets, the lid of the toilet automatically opens. I know theyre perfectly content to live the way they do. And I know some guys that have had one homosexual experience or two or 10,000, doesnt make a fuck bit of difference to me. Now, I wont drive drunk, but I will ride with somebody that cant blow a .08 and not fucking know it. This is also his first stand-up special since his 2011's 'A Little Unprofessional'. But I know if I wake her up trying to have sex with her, shell hit me in the face with a bucket of nickels I just spotted on the nightstand. But on the way, they must confront what it means to be different. And I wet the bed! And Im like, Me too! And I never told him. Streaming Schedule, Season 5, Part 2 Debut Info, 2023 NYP Holdings, Inc. All rights reserved, Stream It Or Skip It: 'John Mulaney: Baby J' On Netflix, The Stand-Up Comedian's Post-Rehab Return To Center Stage, Stream It Or Skip It: 'Alex Borstein: Corsets & Clown Suits' On Prime Video, Mrs. Maisel's Manager Takes The Stage To Sing And Sling Jokes, Stream It Or Skip It: 'Louis C.K. You know, they do that now. [audience whooping] Looked like somebody had stretched a Looked like somebody had stretched a rubber band over a gigantic head of cauliflower. Im not doing that either. Starring:Ron White Watch all you want. What they do is they take these baby ducks, and they just snip the pussy lips off of em, and it takes, like, 35 baby ducks to make one taco, but it is fucking worth it, man. Squirrels. I dont know what Im supposed to tell my fucking relatives. Theyre like, Ooh, look at that one. Which one? In a dystopian future devastated by air pollution, the survival of humanity depends on the Black Knights and theyre far from your average deliverymen. No other animal crosses the road with this kind of fucking poise. And I was so goddamn mad. Is she there? He likes them big big. And not the fuzzy sweater, lovable slurring kind of drunk uncle, either. Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up 2018| Maturity Rating:TV-MA | 1h 3m| Comedies Ron "Tater Salad" White dishes out his signature brand of cynicism, riffing on sex, celebrity and the sinister habits of wild geese. They are. He goes, Well, I need you to blow into this breathalyzer, and I said, Well, heres the bad news, Hoss. 0:46. Profane. And I double snotted my own fucking television. So if youre ever in Beverly Hills on Sunday night, go to the Four Seasons. One of these treatments is a thing called anal bleaching. Sean L. McCarthy works the comedy beat for his own digital newspaper,The Comics Comic; before that, for actual newspapers. Two brothers trying to make it as dancers open their own club, but their artistic drive soon clashes with the business, threatening their relationship. And he comes up to me and goes [high-pitched] Mr. Back then, having their names on Vegas marquees was living the dream. The image is an example of a ticket confirmation email that AMC sent you when you purchased your ticket. JOIN NOW Videos Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up I was 12. Thats something we dreamed about and it fucking happened. Just confirm how you got your ticket. Stream It Or Skip It: 'Citadel' On Prime Video, Where Two Spies Protect Humanity After Their Memories Were Wiped, 'Citadel' Stars Richard Madden and Priyanka Chopra Jonas Open Up About Their Scintillating Onscreen Energy: We "Bring Out the Best in Each Other", How to Watch 'Citadel' Premiere Online: Streaming Info, Time, Schedule, Stream It Or Skip It: 'Fatal Attraction' On Paramount+, An Updated Take On The '80s Bunny-Boiling Film, New Movies & Shows To Watch This Weekend: 'Peter Pan & Wendy' on Disney+ and More, Unidentical Twins: How the 'Dead Ringers' Show Differs from David Cronenberg's Movie, 'Dead Ringers' Episode 6 Recap: Born Again, 'Dead Ringers' Episode 5 Recap: Southern Hospitality, Roy Wood Jr. Tells 'The View' He Was Nervous Poking Fun at VP Kamala Harris During White House Dinner: "Joke Literally Starts With 'What Does Kamala Do? But White, with a cigar in his hand and a tall glass of tequila always filled on the stool by his side onstage (a tequila brand he sells on his website, btw), remains the real character. Theyre watchdogs. The shit that should have never got said got said, it just spun into this big shit storm of fuck. I dont know. I think it brings out the flavor. And every year SiriusXM does a live broadcast from there. [cheering and applause] When Jeff got big enough to take somebody with him, he took me with him, which was an amazingly gracious thing for Jeff to do for me. These two comics dont have any money. Netflix Ron 'Tater Salad' White is bringing his classic story-telling style of standup special, 'If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up,' to Netflix this week, and he is surely going to get you laughing your guts off. Stream It Or Skip It: 'White House Plumbers' On HBO, A Comedic Take On The Bumbling Team Behind The Watergate Break-In, Stream It Or Skip It: Kiss, Kiss! on Netflix, a Polish Rom-Com With an Oogy Womanizer Protagonist. I started this tour a while back in Las Vegas, and while I was there, I was walking down the Strip, my wife and I, and theyre having a sex toy convention, which is one of their five biggest conventions of the year. 20,592, This story has been shared 13,103 times. Thats why. 1,802, This story has been shared 1,410 times. It was juvenated, it became un-juvenated, it needs to be rejuvenated. And Danny wakes up and he goes, I had a dream. Youd think you can tell a mans mouth from a womans mouth, but you cannot. [cheering and applause] Thats pretty slick. RON WHITE: IF YOU QUIT LISTENING, I'LL SHUT UP (2018) - FULL TRANSCRIPT October 19, 2018 Ron "Tater Salad" White dishes out his signature brand of cynicism, riffing on sex, celebrity and the sinister habits of wild geese. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for that. You cant fix stupid. I have sleep apnea, which keeps my wife awake. That aint drunk at all. Ill show you dick.. Now I live in Beverly Hills in a house my wife and I just built, and I was doing an interview the other day, and this guy asked me, Has it changed you? When she looks the other way, I just grab it. Starring: Ron White Watch all you want. Im not gonna do it. Turns out its a solid one. Cats die when they touch the road. My platform was a little different than our presidents platform. See how much funner it is to say? Follow officers from a South Carolina sheriffs department as they urgently search for individuals who've disappeared under troubling circumstances. Not plump girls, not fat girls. Here's When It Returns With New Episodes, Drew Barrymore Halts Segment After "Severely Old" Mac and Cheese Noodle Flies off Her Desk: "It's Rock Hard". Cause were looking for a gag gift, and if that doesnt gag her, I dont know what were going to use, cause its gotta be something big, you tell me. Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up 2018 | Maturity Rating: 18+ | 1h 3m | Stand-Up Comedy Ron "Tater Salad" White dishes out his signature brand of cynicism, riffing on sex, celebrity and the sinister habits of wild geese. Im ready. Literally, people come from all over the world to buy stuff for their shops, and my wife said, My friends having a shower. Because the most jacked-up cooch Ive ever seen in my life is way better looking than my ball sack. Cause were scared to fucking death of geese. I fucking hate em. If you tilt that a little bit, you can get it through that door. Theyre not natural. Your email address will not be published. Moxy and her colorful friends leave Uglyville on a quest to find a kid to love. A military-trained assassin comes out of hiding to protect the daughter she's never met from ruthless criminals gunning for revenge. [whooping] Um The other day, um Jeff Jeff Foxworthy and I were Jeff has a special on Sirius called The Comics Mind, and hed been talking to me about doing it. I would have missed the boat if I was in the porno business right there. RT25: Celebrating 25 years of Rotten Tomatoes. We had spent $100,000 on this little fucking room, and that builder, that motherfucker. Whats she doing to Wilson? Downloads only available on ad-free plans. Great big, old big uns. Over 15 million albums, not including the millions and millions of Blue Collar albums you guys bought. Fuck no, you have not. Lukas Matsson's Tweet Explained. [whispering] Charming. Videos Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up In the wake of her prom scandal, Princess Margrethe longs for normalcy as she struggles to maintain her perfect facade while dealing with family drama. Eat this baby goose pussy lip taco., Back in 1996, my dear friend Jeff Foxworthy became the biggest comedian that ever lived. I didnt make the drinks. Shut up, youre supposed to shut up. But they keep hounding me till I say, Yeah, fuck it, lets go. But I didnt want her to go. A Tourists Guide to Love Filming Locations: Where Was the Rachael Leigh Cook Movie Filmed? Because this dick wont suck itself. White, I smell alcohol on your breath. I said, Thats been there since 77, dude. You pour that much Scotch on a tongue, its gonna smell like Scotch forever. In the wake of her prom scandal, Princess Margrethe longs for normalcy as she struggles to maintain her perfect facade while dealing with family drama. Nothing could make this better.

Divisional Sales Manager Staples Salary, Articles R